You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
