who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
