I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
