Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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