genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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