last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
