the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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