Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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