lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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