Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
