Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I understand Curling. That high.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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