Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
