I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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