My room smells like vodka and shame
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
