Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
