just come out here and I will go home with you...
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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