do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize