I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Screwed.edu
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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