when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
