yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
this hospital has no fireball
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
