I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
