totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
pray to the hookup gods
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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