My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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