He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Im part way to drunk.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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