Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
