Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
