I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
