giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Mom said you looked used
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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