based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
