umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
