sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
