Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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