my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
