Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
