my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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