Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
