I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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