Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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