is your mom at the bar?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
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sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
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We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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