I am puke
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
