Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Randomize
