if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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