he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
