i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We are two peas in an std pod
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
