Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
