oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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