So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
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