i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
