i think i have herpe
just one?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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