I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Who died my cat blue again?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
