You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
