Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
