How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
