Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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