I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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