So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
