Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
