So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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