I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
