SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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