He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
