My nipple is on Facebook.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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