Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
