You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
