You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I know her cup size but not her name....
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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