i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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