We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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