obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
