You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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