I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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