Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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