Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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