peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
you would pick up someone in the library
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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