it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
