so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
