my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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