Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
