so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
