but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
