A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
