I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
