you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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