So drunk, too bad you don't want this
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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