I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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